how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
