yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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