she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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