I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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