well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
