dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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