you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
