All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
