I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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