These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
