i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
