glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
