Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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