Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
