Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize