THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
