Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
