Fuck appropriateness.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
