I looked at my own cervix.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
