Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
