we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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