I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
