So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
