who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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