Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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