i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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