why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
