Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
