Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize