Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
