turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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