Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
