he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
