he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
