I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize