Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
