your parents love me but you hate me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
