mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
