STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
