There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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