I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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