I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
