You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
