I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
