another moral hangover. fuck.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize