I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
