It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
