I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
