Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
