I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
