im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
