New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
