We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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