I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
