Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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