I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
