So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
