I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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