Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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