I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
