You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
