Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
