my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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