sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize