there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
