i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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