I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
