Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
