when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
third nipple confirmed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize