dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
