I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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