i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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