my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
