come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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