i already hear my dad disowning me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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