I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
