I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My feet surprised me
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