I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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