i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
