A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
