I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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