I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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