I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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