first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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