i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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