just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
