Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
