Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
