Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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