I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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