Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
